Clusters

well as i put forth in the beggining that if i got to pen down my day to day experience then i might forget the password and username of this blog hmmmm i wud liketo amend my statement a bit ,i might write some thing on my life as a cluster rather than piece by piece ,may be that might interest me ,kind of episodes........ppl use blog for different reason and i use it to vent my feelings ,thoughts ,happiness,failures and anything tat needs to hit the blog plate.,,,,,,,

Once again I had a unconventional exit from uae .modular concepts wasn’t such a bad place to work, yes it lacked professional ethics but was a place to learn but the process of learning wasn’t doing any good to the co .loss is not something that cant be said on the same breath as biz but it was doing more than harm to my confidence than any good and I wasn’t able to concentrate on a few personal obligations that topped my list of to do’s. Visa for me was an issue that the co took for granted, my travel expense was sky rocketing and I was fed up with the upper hand taken by a few co workers, any way these are lame excuses for some one like me who has this issue of loosing interest, cant just do the same thing again and again .So I bid goodbye .no gains other than the knowledge that I gained working with Mr. Manoj, a person for whom I have great respect and regards.

Once again airport and the flight ,it was the 1st of June ,2nd June I will be loosing something but the loss is in many ways gain for so many a good souls and so the loss was so sweet that I could still taste it. Peer was getting married on the 2nd of June ,its been a great journey ,a journey through which am glad I was with him ,a sense of fulfillment .He was feeling low as he wanted me to be there the day of his nikah ,his usual stance ,emotional and that’s why I keep on saying that he is an emotional fool but that’s his trademark and there was this call I had in my mobile on the way to the airport ,it was shahistha (I just cant spell her name ) well well well then during that conversation I knew matches are made in heaven .”Where are you? on my way to the airport ,get off the car you aren’t going., what? You can’t do this, you should be there tomorrow” ..........am I wrong when I say matches are made in heaven? Nope.

It’s a wonderful feeling when some one so close to you has their dreams fulfilled .I had plans for the couple but to make things possible I should bring out the best diplomatic side of mine. The sky ward journey was filled with plans; plan a, plan b, c, d e, and f and so on. I wished for a mind-blowingly fantabulous vacation this time, wishes were always cruel to me but I wished like a man who foresaw his date& time of death that at least those final days I could have that small % of fantabulous time.

I was a bit skeptical for all for good reasons; my dads brought his ancestral home so we might have to stay there surrounded by a whole lot of relatives and watz to be expected? Of course we were all getting closer but I did not have an iota of faith in my dad cuz he is the worst when it comes to be or at least act a bit diplomatic. I know my cousins ,call it lack of education or lack of exposure they all speak their mind out and then sit and sulk over it ,so their is always this sword hanging over that strong thread called relations and the sword might snap off that thread any time. am talking to this guy whom I see on the mirror and he has been asking me frightening questions and I keep on replying ,Yes I know ,why ? why should I be so pessimist but don’t you know how this whole family has lost its wonderful moments that could have made our grandpa a happy soul ,to have ,to share ,to cry on a few shoulders ,to play around with your nephews and nieces well I am sure, damn know I have lost a few but am damn sure that I aint gonna loose the rest, come what may , I do not believe in miracles neither I believe in god but yes I do believe in goodness and I felt that their where a few goodness forming a shield around me. I felt my grans around me holding and showing me how to believe in what I can do. There were a lots of them ,I sensed it.They all kept on saying sorry ,they repent on their deeds they wished they could have changed their attitude towards life and others, when they were alive and so they might have chosen me to rectify the repairs they have commited ,even though I kept away from my grans home saying that I might come across all the expired blood and flesh ,in my deepest of the deepest corner of my mind I wished for that room on the right side of the verandah where Sheriff bhai used to live ,where he used to take us and recite us a few stories. I missed him a lot, missed him a lot that I at times I wished that the rest of the relations could have died in compensation to Sheriff Bhai so that he could have stayed back.Its me at time with a cruel mind that goes wild with imaginations.

Landed home, was so happy to meet my buddy jish, ever reliable is what I could say abt him. Went home Ngl ,homes in a mess and I knew the moment I saw the home that my mom was sick so sick that she just cant walk but mentally she has stressed her out to move ,what else the maid of heaven (my brother named her) do. wished I could get married to some one black ,white yellow or green with just one condition to relieve my mom of this damn duty of being the maid of the heaven ,wished I could slap my bro for glorifying her sacrifice in such a way.


Well settled on to my chair, those old friends of mine (books), I have read, re read and I will read them again to be re read them again.
A carton full of Marlboro whites, my laptop over flowing with my fave music and the nights were getting longer or was it that nights were turning out to be my days and days my nights.