puke

there are few moments in ones life tat make u think and re think whether r not to let others know it ,i had them too.i blv that i fortunately or unfortunately have this quality that when i write abt my self i just open up or to be more in my terms i puke my life out,open book they call it one such moment is puked down below:

19/02/08
9.30 pm
This thought has passed my mind a numerous time, but today was different, after 28 years in the world nearing the 29th is like on the verge of tasting the seed of the mango while all these years I was eating the fruit. There must be a reason behind my birth, I must settle on to some thing that could lead me in to fulfilling that reason. But like writers block even my fate and the life which the fate decides is blocked indefinitely. Yes today was different from the other such days when the thought of my unsuccessful life has come to a point where I have started to loose the belief in me as I have started hearing voices of unknown saying what a waste my life has been .This got to stop somewhere ,either this unsuccessful life or just this life. When you walk all alone from your work place towards a shelter that you are not sure how long? Thoughts just philander with you .And as I walked along i was drained off my mental strength as well as physical .Now where do I stop? I was adamant that I stop no where, I wanted this pain, and I wanted this melancholic feel.

If you were reading a novel the author would add in the back ground of this 29 year old making sure that the readers understands why this guy has to feel what he is feeling now .But then this is no novel and there is no writer, this is life ,pure life .

well no good reason i cud give y i was feelin so low on the above mentioned day......

now here is some one else's puke:

20/02/08
7:15 pm
After a meeting at Dubai healthcare city which never happened or to be precise I got missed out, i went straight to the site where Haridas and our driver khan were getting ready to finish of the day so here I am I need not walk today back home. It has always been fun and laughter when Haridas was around, even though being a senior to me by miles we had no problem in sharing a cig or a few adults jokes. A few days back he was hospitalized for a mere heart attack,
Mere??Yes mere heart attack was what he described it as .Today we had ample time to talk and laugh, he was talking about his life pre –Gulf .he went on like this.....
I was taking up railway contracting works while I was working with blue star air conditions ,my sister being a civil engineer it was easy for me to take a license and as usual in India I would do some under-the –table deals and get the work done so obviously the quality of work was below average and all through I was using my sisters signatures for all the work as she was the license holder and when one such project got screwed up due to some premature damage in the railway bridge ,my sister got a warrant from the court and was asked to pay the compensation .My sister never knew that she signing a few papers in the beginning would lead her in front of the court ,even though I tried to calm her up she did not forgive me and still hasn’t till to date .Then I had to transfer her license to another name in the meantime I did a few more under the table and cleaned up the whole mess. And on one such issue of a railway project I was in deep shit as the person who was supposed to sign my invoice and payment release has been transferred and was replaced with some son of the soil who apparently has won some medal from the then president of India that simply meant that I was doomed .I had to meet him get the papers signed but he was adamant that he has to inspect the whole project, doomed I was. Can I bribe him? Will he accept it? And as per a friend from the railways instruction I prepared myself the day before Onam, jam-packed my car with all vegetables and other such onam specials. After ringing the bell I stood there with all those stuffs which by now was like a market at the doorsteps.the door opens and there stands the man asking me “what all these”? I with all my innocence said “sir its onam and all these stuffs are from my estate ,thought you will need them” he roared “ bloody are we related to each other or what?” get lost and don’t forget the inspection will happen as planned ” as he was saying this I saw some one near the window laughing a laugh that tested the real me ,I could have ripped that mans stomach open for what I was , I had the money ,I had no fear and no one ever has stood against me. My blood boiled up after seeing that smile on her face who happens to be the engineer’s daughter.

Now I was in deep shit, once again under-the-table for a few people at the railways I was able to rectify the whole issue and made sure that the site was ready for the engineer’s inspection .But my mind was in a rage, furious as that smile kept on coming back to me. Haridas interrupted the story as he had a call coming form India ,he spoke on the phone for a while and came back informing me that it was his wife on the other side. He continued with the story and I was not complaining as we were still stuck in the traffic of sharjha .So he continued....
I being a person who was born in to a family where money was never a problem and nothing was impossible was not able to digest that smile that came from the girls face .I wanted to teach her a lesson .I with a help from a few railway friends faked a birthday party and made sure that the girl came exactly on the day of the inspection .A car ready with the ignition on and a friend on the wheel ,it was kidnapping pure kidnapping off we went .the terrified girl tried to open the door ,I pulled out a gun off my pocket ,a licensed one that my uncle used during his estate visits .She had nothing to do anymore .This is my moment of glory ,by tomorrow morning yours and your fathers smile will fade off for ever and I swear that I will not touch you nor will I disturb you but that’s the beauty because you will be crucified for no reason .Off we went to mysore .

The next morning Indian Express had my name and the gals photo in it ,my job was over she was free to go .But she wouldn’t ,she wanted to die ,she begged me to kill her ,my problems got doubled up. Back in Cochin the girls brothers have received quotation form my life they would prepare a purchase order any moment but then whom ever they send the PO I will come to know because there is no bigger scoundrel than me in Cochin. But that was not my worry this girl will not leave. Either she will commit suicide or will make me kill her.

By this time we have reached sharjha and I had to get down off the car, Dhas Bhai what happened after that was my question .The car did not move in the traffic, his mobile rang again. Car started moving.
He said “what happened? cant you see that am talking with my wife ,wife who was consequence of that one mysore trip ”and before the car faded off in to the traffic he said “look I never indented to get married nor did I have any bad intention before taking off with the girl but this was destined to happen and it had ,and my wife of whom I am still not sure about the religion caste or creed feels that we had to meet up like that 27 years before to be man and woman for the rest of our lifes”.I stood there like a nail hammered on to hard wood .No more words to say ,but then all those people who have their roots at the south of south India where mother India washes her feet off both the Arabian sea and bay of Bengal had that IT thing in them to live life on the edge...........I happily accepted the invitation to meet Mrs. & Mr. Haridhas & family at their Bangalore residence by June.